Anonymous asked: honestly, you are this one person i will never unfollow no matter how long you're gone. wish you all the best, wherever you go in life and whatever you do

thank you. that actually means a lot. i wish i would actually come back someday, but i don’t know how. it’s been too long. thank you, again.

Anonymous asked: do you still do ballet? did you ever go en pointe?

not anymore, no. I did five years of pointe.

Anonymous asked: this is gonna sound really sentimental so feel free to ignore it, but we've been mutuals for years - even tho we never really talked - and i'm a trans guy with, well, a good couple of similarities to you and just seeing you doing a little better and being brave enough to really live your life makes me feel less lonely and inadequate. so i really wish you all the best and wherever it is you are going that you'll be safe and content. take care, Avery (beautiful name btw).

ugh I’m sorry it took me FOREVER to see this. this made me so happy. you should hit me up some time off anon :)

Anonymous asked: is it ok to ask what you are doing nowadays?

I’m doing my best to live. actually live and let myself be. and exist. really exist, and loving myself for it, instead of constantly punishing myself for my existence. I’ve moved out, started working with programming, still kinda lost and life is still really fucking hard but. I’m growing and learning to overcome and thrive. and like. I’m really fucking content despite all the shit life constantly throws at me. I’ve been working on my substance abuse (kind of recovering? I don’t like to call it recovering because it makes me terrified but. trying really hard). food/weight has its ups and downs but I’ve maintained a healthy weight for most of the year, which is a personal record for me. I’m working on stuff, like, feelings and interpersonal relationships and being an adult. letting myself express my gender (~*coMinG ouT*~). I’m super in love and in the healthiest, most fulfilling relationship of my entire life. I draw more or less regularly, drink a lot of orange juice, still smoke too much, play a lot of videogames, engage in non-SJWy social justice until my brain gives up on me, waste too much time looking at memes. it’s been pretty uneventful on the surface, but I’m making huge fucking strides psychologically/emotionally. so yeah. 

Anonymous asked: i hope this doesn't sound like batshit crazy. but scrolling through your blog kinda gave me back a sense of purpose or sth. like, i wanna rewatch ghibli movies and nge, i want to paint and draw again and for sure i wanna check out all those bad ass brasilian bands. i dunno. i feel like a huge mess lately but i try and kick the disorders ass, i hate myself a lot frequently, but i kinda feel like. maybe i could be someone special. so yeah, i guess i wanna thank you for that. love. a scorpio.

why are people being so fucking nice to me today

I can’t thank this message enough. reading this made me want to do all of those things as well. and like- of course you are fucking special. I’m assuming I don’t know you but just by reading your message I can already tell I fucking love you. and you made me super happy by telling me all this, so how could you be anything BUT special? come on!!!!!! I feel like I’m being super fucking cheesy right now but I 1000000% mean all of this. I know how tough things can (and usually do) get. but we’re bigger than all of this shit. I’m sorry I don’t really update this blog anymore. stay in touch if you can and show me your art. really. please. and again: thank you so much.

Anonymous asked: i feel like you are one of the most interesting and intriguing people i've ever met online. i hope you are alive and well.

oh my god???? that put a HUGE FUCKIGN SMILE on my face. it’s eight in the morning and I haven’t slept yet and I’m p much dying bUTTTTTTTTTTTTT I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been I think. thank you thank you thank you. you’ve made my day/week/the rest of 2017 which fucking SUCKED SO FAR btw